My beauty isn’t even skin deep.


That picture you see, is a natural, unposed photo captured after a long day doing nothing other than taking in the sites. The woman pictured isn’t eye searingly ugly, she doesn’t make you want to claw your own eyes out, scrub them with bleach, disable your own retina and then remove all memories of having seen her does she?

The woman in that picture doesn’t see that image when she thinks of herself. When she is aware of herself, in one of those moments where you are conscious of how you look (a date, a job interview,  that moment you see your ex with their new love) she pictures some kind of potato like creature from the abyss, a barely formed bi-product of evolution. She doesn’t believe she is ugly because she doesn’t live up to some magazine article. She just thinks she’s ugly.

Even at her slimmest (7stone at 5foot6), so acutely underweight, when she survived on nothing but cigarettes and red bull she was still wholly convinced, to her core, that she was some obese, greasy, dirty retard from the wrong side of the sewers.

One day she saw her mental image of herself on t.v, on American Horror Story no less.


Yep. That’s a pretty good description of how this girl sees herself.

So this girl learnt the art of make-up, every time she puts her mask on she is so surprised at what she feels she can make herself look like she just wishes she could always feel like that. Its the one time she believes in magic.

From the above to


Quite a transformation. But even with her mask, she’s still insecure. She’s still that gawky, clumsy, ugly person. Even with her mask she wouldn’t say she was beautiful.

So next time you’re looking at a girl in the street with her scouse brows, or rats nest hair or any other “bizarre” beauty “enhancing” treatment just remember, that girl (or man) could be like me….just trying their best to feel like they look as normal as any one else on the street….and not like some kind of sewer rat.


3 thoughts on “My beauty isn’t even skin deep.

  1. Hun u should never ever feel like that u are beautiful on the inside and outside u have a happy family and u shouldn’t let nobody put u down xx cheer up keep ur chin up remember there are ppl that fell in love with you loves u for who u r and the way u look they called ur friends and family xx


  2. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after going through many of the articles I realized it’s new to me.

    Anyhow, I’m definitely pleased I came across it
    and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back frequently!


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