Let us dance in the stars.

I made a promise to myself a while ago. One that I’ve been trying to keep, I do fail sometimes but I like to think that most of the time I succeed.

 

I will not put myself down in front of my children.

 

See, I have two little darling monsters who are like sponges. They absorb everything we say and do (and usually then retell the story/conversation with stunning clarity at the most awkward time). They learn to walk, talk, eat, play and much more, just by watching us. We have so much power over them. So if they’re taking in all that good stuff…..what about the bad?

 

I, for one, do not want either of my children thinking that image is everything. That we have to look a certain way to be happy, and for other people to be happy with us. I don’t want them thinking that we have to prescribe to a preset list of ideals set by some people who they will never meet, and who they certainly don’t have to impress.

Yes, I am aware that my previous entry is me lamenting about how I view myself as an ogre. But don’t be misled. I am aware my perception on reality is very skewed, acutely so when it comes to how I view myself, but this in all aspects. I’ll never see myself as…enough. This is not something that is affected by other peoples perceptions of me, or any outside influences. It’s just me. It’s who I am. See my promise above? I’m working hard on that!

I like my children to see me reading, to see me laugh unashamedly, to hear me mumble to myself when I’m concentrating, to see me putting my make up on because I enjoy doing it (and I really do, make up is a big big passion) to see me dance like no body is watching and to hear me sing like a bag of cats being strangled 🙂 Because I want my children to see how important it is to stay true to yourself and to know that the only persons opinion that matters…is their own.

I don’t want my daughters to worry about their appearance, hygiene yes but make up no. I want them to put make up on because they want to, not because they need to. I want them to be as happy to go to the shop in their naked face as they are to stand up for what they believe in. I want my children to know that it’s okay to be however they want to be.

 

That the only thing that matters is paying love and kindness forward, to be honest, loyal and dependable. To be true to themselves and to other people.

Because in the end what else matters? The most beautiful people are those who laugh a lot.

So I promised myself, that I’d never let me children hear me complain about how I look. They do hear me saying I need to go to the gym, so I can get fit and run around with their children. I want to be that crazy grandmother at the gates with the weird boob job and the purple hair with far too much time on her hands. They do see me dye my hair because I want to, because I’m bored. Not because I do it to “feel pretty”.

 

I want my children to know that beauty isn’t everything. Because it’s not. It’s not a sin to be beautiful, or to take care of yourself. It’s not a bad thing to want to wear make up and follow fashion. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

 

I just don’t want to teach my girls about low self esteem before I teach them their time tables.

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