Tag Archives: kids

Family

Who I love.

And who I don’t think I’ve ever told.

This boy is my little brother.

When I was 13 my Mum and Dad brought this little bundle flesh home from hospital and proudly presented my little brother. I was quite enamoured with him. He was seriously cute, especially when his curly hair came in.

He was also seriously annoying. As kids tend to be. He was obsessed with raisins and noddy, didn’t understand that teenagers like to lie in and sleep, and enjoyed leaving a wake of destruction behind him.

Typical two year old stuff really.

Unfortunately, my Mum and Dad broke up. (sad face here) My brother moved away with my Dad. And I grew up.

I became too busy to visit, too busy to call and too busy to text. I saw him a few times a year and always felt awkward in his company.

Then, I grew up some more. I turned around and the little boy was growing into a man. A man with opinions, a sense of humour, thoughts, a life. And I realised I’d missed this happening.

I started making time to go visit when he was over. And whilst still awkward around him, I realise that’s just me being awkward around people in general.

Now, the point?

That little boy is 14. And he is quite simply the most fantastic 14 year old I’ve ever met.

Despite my lack of input in his life, I’ve realised we’re actually incredibly similar. He has a wit like mine, laughs at the same stuff I do. He’s probably a nicer person than me. But he’s ace. Like, proper ace.

It got me to thinking, given our seperation, and lack of conversation over the years, we’ve still grown up to be similar people. He doesn’t have my issues (thank god.) but the nice parts of me I see in him. And that makes me feel good.

Because he’s my brother. Not just a kid my mum had, which I see in my friends relationships with their much younger/older siblings. I love him as much as I love my similar aged siblings. And I want to be there more for him.

I want him to think of me when he needs to sound off about school/friends/dating/embarassing things he really doesn’t want to talk to Mum and Dad about. I want him to think of me when he see’s something funny. I want him to really feel like I’m his sister. And not some kid his mum had.

So I’ve put this on the internet why? Because he’s 14. He lives on the internet. Much like his older sister 😉

Love you kid, sorry about the emo.

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Are women the worst thing to happen to women’s rights?

I ask this after a few weeks of perusing the internet and seeing some of the most sexist and painful remarks I’ve seen in a long time.

Mothers who turn themselves into martyrs because they’ve had children. Women who slag off other women for going out to work with children at home. Women who bitch and back stab another woman just because of the way they do something.

Is that why men seem to get along better in life? Because they accept and acknowledge that having children isn’t a reason to stop being a person with their own desires, loves, hobbies? Because they don’t bitch and moan and whine about pointless crap?

A quick look on mumsnet/netmums/ukbride etc etc (all predominantly female based) will soon show you that women seem to be their own worst enemy.

It’s starting to feel to me like true, unilateral, equality isn’t happening  because women won’t let it? And are in many cases sexist towards men?

I can read 100 times in an hour about how someones partner/husband/cocklodger has forgotten their birthday/locked them out the house because they got too drunk/generally been a bit of a tit (I’m NOT talking about domestic abuse hear, just lackadaisical attitudes) and the first thing out of fellow forumites mouths (fingers?) is “lose the bastard” “he’s abusive” “aw he’s just a man”…..How is that furthering equality?

We “let men get away with” many things: forgetting birthdays (and then leaving it up to their partners) (a headnod to a certain person in my life!) not getting the kids ready before they go out somewhere, sulks, moods, inane hobbies etc, instead of just saying “oi! you over there, we’re going out, lets get the kids ready”

We seem to be perpetuating the cycle of near equality but not full eqaulity by just allowing ourselves to take on the full burden of house hold tasks and chores, kids stuff , family stuff. And then we’re “grateful” when they take the kids out for an hour…why do do this? (I’m one of the mums who has a husband who is hands on with the kids, at weekends its 50-50 predominantly so I’m not slating my husband here!)

We accept less than adequate support in terms of family life, friends say to friends “oh you’re so lucky he cooks for you sometimes” …why? how is that lucky? Surely if you both work full time hours, you take it in turns to cook? It’s not lucky its common fucking decency. 

How can we claim we want equality but do nothing to further the cause in our immediate personal lives? Sure there is a glass ceiling in place, even more so if you take time out of your career to have children, but there is no hope of that shattering in its entirety whilst we treat men like infants/accept paltry offerings of “domestic support”. Sure equality on a grand scale can now only be achieved by accepting nothing less than equality in our own homes? Which includes women not belittling men (they can look after baby just as well as you, or remember birthdays too) and demanding … more. More support, help, understanding, co-operation.

We reap what we sow after all.

So instead of moaning to your friends of how he’s forgotten your birthday and how hurt you are, why not just remind him a couple of weeks in advance and then if he forgets just tell him how it made you feel…instead of slagging him off and belittling him.

Instead of being a martyr and doing all the domestic chores and getting stroppy about it or feeling put upon, sit down and write a rota with him, or tell him to get up and help.

I guess my point is, if we want equality on a broad spectrum (in work, home, politics, etc) we first need to demand it from the men nearest and dearest to us. And in turn offer them what you want to receive.

I can’t help but feel people have lost the way a little bit and are too busy shouting “omg all men are cunts” to just go “that’s not acceptable. sort it out by doing x y or z” ….

Don’t forget, even those without children usually have a role to play in a childs life, so we should model for them what we want. I want equality, so in my house we have it. There for our daughters see it and accept it as normal, so won’t accept any less, if we had sons it would be the same way, so when they grow up they’ll be contributing to gender equality.

I know I’ve rambled a bit, but I think people have forgotten the first part in sexual equality is respect and choice. You can choose whether to accept sexism through apathy, ignorance, and giving it back (reverse sexism is a thing!) or you can choose to exercise your right to respect and equality by design.